THINGS BETWEEN PEOPLE
SETTING
A BAR AND TWO APARTMENTS (ONE USED AS A BOOKMAKING OFFICE) ON THE UPPER WEST SIDE OF MANHATTAN. THE STAGE SHOULD BE SET UP THUS: CENTER STAGE FOR SCENES 1 AND 10; STAGE LEFT FOR THE LIVING ROOM IN RON AND EVELYN’S APARTMENT; STAGE RIGHT FOR THE BOOKMAKING OFFICE.
STAGE LEFT: RON AND EVELYN’S LIVING ROOM SHOULD CONTAIN A SMALL LOVE SEAT, AN ARM CHAIR, A COFFEE TABLE AND POSSIBLY A LIQUOR CABINET.
STAGE RIGHT: THE BOOKMAKING OFFICE SHOULD CONTAIN A DESK WITH A TELEPHONE, SOME PAPERS, PADS, ETC., A COT, A MINI REFRIGERATOR, A WINDOW AND A DOOR.
CENTER STAGE SCENE 1: ONE HALF OF A BOOTH TABLE FACING FRONT.
TIME
THE PRESENT
Act I/Scene I
DARK. A BOOTH TABLE AT A BAR LOCATED ON THE WEST SIDE OF MANHATTAN, SOMEWHERE CLOSE TO THE METROPOLITAN OPERA HOUSE. THE OVERTURE TO DON GIOVANNI STARTS. IT IS LOUD FOR SHOCK EFFECT. LIGHTS START TO COME UP VERY SLOWLY AT 0:35 OF OVERTURE. LIGHTS CONTINUE UP VERY SLOW UNTIL THE ALLEGRO STARTS (1:40 OF OVERTURE), THEN LIGHTS SHOULD BE NEARLY FULL. THREE PEOPLE SIT AT A SINGLE TABLE IN THE BACK OF A BAR. A HUSBAND, HIS WIFE AND ANOTHER WOMAN ARE FROZEN MID-MOVEMENT/MID CONVERSATION. AS THE FIRST CRESCENDO OF THE ALLEGRO BUILDS (2:00 OF OVERTURE), THE VOLUME SHOULD FADE QUICKLY. WHEN IT STOPS COMPLETELY THE CHARACTERS CONTINUE THEIR MOVEMENT/CONVERSATION. THERE IS OBVIOUS DISCOMFORT BETWEEN THE THREE CHARACTERS; THE BODY LANGUAGE SHOULD REFLECT THE TENSION OF THE MOMENT.
RON
I don’t even know that I could tell Frank about this. It wouldn’t exactly be easy.
DIANE
He’s your friend. You’ve known each other a long time. A lot longer than you know me. I’d understand. I’m just asking you to hold off for now.
RON
Are you going to leave him?
EVELYN
(QUICK)
That’s not our business. You don’t have to answer that.
DIANE
No, it’s okay. I don’t know. I have no idea yet.
RON
Because you can’t expect me to remain mute about it forever.
EVELYN
(TURNS HARD AT RON)
Ron!
DIANE
(PUTS A HAND ON EVELYN’S ARM)
It’s all right. Really. He’s right.
RON
I’m just saying, if I caught you, if I walked into you, somebody else could too. If they already haven’t —
EVELYN
(FIDGETY WITH DISCOMFORT – AT RON)
Will you stop it all ready?
RON
(AT EVELYN)
Well, I did! I walked into them. Somebody else might —
EVELYN
(SLAPS RON’S ARM)
Excuse me!
DIANE
No, Evelyn, please. Really. It’s all right. It’s okay. Ron’s right.
(AT RON)
I honestly don’t know that I haven’t been seen by anyone else. I have no idea. I never thought what happened could ever happen. It did.
(PAUSE)
But I can’t give you a time frame, Ron. I don’t know.
EVELYN
You shouldn’t have to.
RON
I’m not asking you for a time frame … but I can’t never tell him … not if you … you know, if it goes on.
DIANE
(NODS)
I’m only asking you not to say anything tonight. That’s about as far into the future as I can project right now.
(PAUSE. RON AND DIANE STARE AT EACH OTHER. EVELYN REMAINS FIDGETY WITH DISCOMFORT.)
EVELYN
(TO BREAK THE UNEASE – AT DIANE)
Are you all right? Seriously. Have you talked with anybody else about this?
DIANE
Just my friend, Ann. Just about what happened the other night at the Marriott, when I saw Ron. I knew I had to get you two together and face up to it.
(AT RON)
I was very nervous you had spoke with Frank already. I almost called you a few times. I picked up the phone more than once. I wanted to see you. And I think I wanted Evelyn here for support.
(AT EVELYN)
I’m sorry to drag you into this.
EVELYN
Don’t be silly.
RON
Well, I honestly wouldn’t know what to say. What do you tell a guy? Hey, I saw your wife with some kid the other night.
(EVELYN SLAPS RON IN THE ARM)
DIANE
It’s all right. Evie, please. Jack is young.
RON
Jack?
EVELYN
Ron, damn it!
DIANE
That’s his name.
RON
Well, whatever his name. It would be very awkward. To say something to Frank about this.
DIANE
I didn’t know how much you saw. If you had seen anything. I just assumed you did.
RON
I saw a lot.
EVELYN
This is so embarrassing.
DIANE
You saw us in the pool or out?
(EVELYN COVERS HER EYES)
RON
(UNCOMFORTABLE)
Out.
DIANE
(HEAD DOWN)
I wasn’t sure.
(PEAKING UP)
You saw us …
RON
I saw you both … I saw the two of you.
(PAUSE)
DIANE
You were there for the golf thing, right?
(RON NODS)
I have to tell you that I actually thought about that when I got there. Once I saw the golf thing in the lobby. The advertisements. It crossed my mind. What if Ron shows up here for a seminar or something. I guess it was an omen.
RON
I was with a couple of guys I met. We had gone to the bar for drinks and then we got lost heading back to the lobby. We wound up at the pool.
DIANE
Which was closed for two hours.
RON
Closed but not locked.
EVELYN
Oh, Jesus.
DIANE
It’s all right. I’m really sorry to put you through this.
EVELYN
Don’t be silly. I feel sorry for you. For you and Frank. I don’t know what to say.
RON
Your friend did look a little young.
EVELYN
(SLAPS RON’S HAND)
Ron!
DIANE
(EMBARRASSED)
Like I said, he is.
(SOBS)
Oh, Jesus.
EVELYN
(SLAPS RON’S HAND AGAIN)
Jesus, Ron.
(AT DIANE)
Never mind him.
DIANE
No, it’s all right. He’s right.
(COMPOSING HERSELF)
Jack is very young. Jesus Christ. He’s twenty-eight. He’s a trainer at the gym.
RON
(ALMOST UNBELIEVING IT)
Why?
EVELYN
(SLAPS RON’S HAND ONCE MORE)
Stop.
RON
You stop.
(MOVES CHAIR AWAY FROM HIS WIFE; AT DIANE)
Twenty-eight?
DIANE
(HALF SOBBING)
It’s ridiculous. I know it is. It’s stupid.
RON
Then why?
EVELYN
(DEFENSIVE)
Maybe she feels a need to be with him. Maybe she likes him. It isn’t any of our business, Ron.
DIANE
I don’t know.
(PAUSE. DIANE GETS HERSELF TOGETHER. EVELYN AND RON GIVE EACH OTHER LOOKS.)
EVELYN
Does Frank have any idea …
DIANE
No.
RON
You sure?
DIANE
(SUDDENLY ANXIOUS. AT RON)
Unless you said something.
RON
I didn’t.
DIANE
(SOMEWHAT RELIEVED)
Then he doesn’t.
RON
What are you, forty, right?
(EVELYN MOVES IN DISCOMFORT WITH RON’S QUESTION. DIANE NODS)
Twelve years is a long gap, Diane. You aren’t serious with this guy, are you?
DIANE
No.
EVELYN
(ANGRY NOW)
That really isn’t our business, Ron.
DIANE
It’s okay. No, I’m not serious. I mean, I know Jack is just getting some on the side. That that’s what I am to him. He already has a girlfriend. But he’s not someone I want to spend time with either. It’s getting back, I think. For what Frank’s done to me in the past.
RON
Are you sure about that? Frank has never mentioned —
DIANE
Please, Ron. I know. Whether he’s kept it from you or not, I know of several women.
EVELYN
Jesus. I think this is the most revealing conversation I’ve ever been involved in.
DIANE
I’m sorry.
EVELYN
No, no. I’m sorry. Really. It’s just pretty shocking, Diane. About you and Frank. I’d have never known.
DIANE
(LOOKS TO RON)
And you?
(WITH DISBELIEF)
He’s really never mentioned anything?
RON
(DEFENSIVE)
He’s never mentioned anything to me.
DIANE
Well, he’s had at least four affairs I know of. Since we’ve been together. All before we were married, the ones I’m sure of. Now he’s started another one. I think he has. And I can’t take another one. No matter what his excuse.
EVELYN
(PUTS A HAND ON DIANE’S ARM)
You wanna’ go back to the apartment for a drink or something? We can talk there.
RON
Maybe you should.
DIANE
What time are you meeting him?
RON
(LOOKS AT HIS WATCH)
Half an hour. Hey, this isn’t dangerous is it? Meeting him at his office, I mean. I won’t get arrested or anything?
DIANE
(CHECKS HER WATCH)
I don’t think so. I would think they’d make a bust during office hours. While they’re taking the bets. No, you should be all right.
RON
Is there any special knock I should use or something? Should I call from downstairs first?
DIANE
(CONFUSED)
Oh, no, no. He’s expecting you there, right?
RON
Yeah, he gave me the address.
DIANE
(SHAKES HER HEAD)
Just ring the buzzer.
RON
(PREPARES TO LEAVE; AS HE STANDS)
All right then.
DIANE
Please don’t say anything.
RON
I won’t.
DIANE
Please.
RON
I promise.
EVELYN
(AT HER HUSBAND)
I’ll kill him if does.
RON
Although I do think you should tell him if you plan on leaving him.
EVELYN
Ron!
DIANE
I don’t know yet. I may. Maybe I’ll tell him tonight. Then Frank may leave me. I don’t know what might happen next.
(LIGHTS FADE, SLOW TO QUICK. END SCENE.)
Act I/Scene II
LIGHTS, GRADUALLY UP STAGE LEFT. THE LIVING ROOM OF RON AND EVELYN’S APARTMENT ON THE WEST SIDE OF MANHATTAN. EVELYN SETS TWO GLASSES OF WATER ON A COFFEE TABLE. DIANE IS SEATED ON A LOVE SEAT TO THE LEFT. EVELYN SITS IN AN ARM-CHAIR TO THE RIGHT.
EVELYN
(ONCE THEY ARE SETTLED)
I’m really sorry about before, Diane. I want to apologize for Ron. Really.
DIANE
Please. I’m the one who should be apologizing. For dragging the two of you into this.
EVELYN
No, what happened happened. Ron had no right to say some of the things he said.
DIANE
They’re friends, Evie. They go back a long time. It’s all right. Really.
EVELYN
Anyway, at least now we’re alone. If you feel like talking. It’s fine if you don’t. I’d understand.
DIANE
(DRINKS)
No, I think I need to. If for no other reason than to hear myself.
EVELYN
Are you all right?
DIANE
(FROWNS)
Yes and no. Sometimes. And sometimes I feel like shit.
EVELYN
I can’t imagine.
DIANE
Please. I thought I was going to die.
(PAUSE)
Ron told you, right? What happened at the Marriott.
EVELYN
Yeah, he did.
DIANE
It was so embarrassing.
EVELYN
He was too, you know. Embarrassed. He was kind of shocked when he came home. In fact, he wasn’t even supposed to come home. He had a free room from the club he belongs to. He was planning on staying the night. Getting drunk with his friends and staying overnight.
DIANE
I think there were two other guys with him at the pool. Those Ron’s friends?
EVELYN
No, no. His friends were still in another seminar. He was with two guys he had met. They were just wandering around lost, he said. One of them was the one who turned the lights on.
DIANE
Please, don’t remind me.
EVELYN
I’m sorry.
DIANE
(TAKES A DRINK OF WATER. BEAT.)
We were fucking, Evelyn. Fucking when the lights went on.
EVELYN
(COVERS HER FACE)
Oh, shit.
DIANE
I had thought I heard somebody, but you know how your mind can play games on you when you’re nervous? I’d never done anything like that before in my life. Not in a public area like that. It was closed and dark so we thought we were safe. Jack had rented the room earlier in the day. I left work early and met him there in the afternoon. We were both pretty drunk when we went down to the pool. He had gone swimming there before and told me to bring my bathing suit. I thought I heard something but I let it go. The next thing I knew, the lights were on and I could see three men watching us from behind a glass partition. Then as I scrambled up I saw one of them was Ron. We made direct eye contact. I felt my stomach drop right out from under me.
EVELYN
If it’s any consolation, he said he felt the same way.
DIANE
Can I have a drink?
EVELYN
Yeah, you’re right. I can use one too. Vodka okay? I think it’s all we have. That and scotch.
DIANE
Vodka’s fine. With tonic, if you have it.
EVELYN
Let me see.
(PAUSE. EVELYN GOES TO A CABINET AND GETS OUT VODKA. POURS A DRINK WITH TONIC. SETS DRINKS DOWN.)
Vodka tonic it is.
DIANE
(PICKS UP HER DRINK; HOLDS UP GLASS TO EVELYN)
To confessions.
EVELYN
Huh? Oh, yeah, sure. Why not.
(THEY TOUCH GLASSES. EVELYN TAKES A SIP THEN NOTICES DIANE TAKES A LONG DRINK. EVELYN SHRUGS HER SHOULDERS AND TAKES A DRINK HERSELF. SHE GOES TO SET HER GLASS DOWN AND NOTICES DIANE HAS DRAINED HER GLASS. SHE POURS HER ANOTHER DRINK.)
Better go easy there, kid.
DIANE
(LOOKS UP AT HER)
Would you?
EVELYN
(BRIEF PAUSE. SHAKES HER HEAD.)
No. Go for it.
DIANE
(AFTER ANOTHER SIP)
Honestly, please, what was your reaction when Ron told you?
EVELYN
(THINKS, DROPS HER MOUTH OPEN)
I think my mouth was like this for fifteen minutes. At least that’s what Ron said. I just stood there with my mouth wide open in shock.
(OPENS HER MOUTH AGAIN)
DIANE
(NERVOUS)
How was Ron?
EVELYN
Shocked, too. Really.
DIANE
Was he mad?
EVELYN
Mad? At you? Oh, no, I don’t think so. I think it was just shock. He kept saying it over and over, you know. I did, too. ‘I can’t believe it, I can’t believe it, I can’t believe it.’ You can imagine.
DIANE
I thought he might be angry because of Frank.
EVELYN
No, I don’t think so. Or if he was, he didn’t say it or show it. He was a little surprised at the circumstances, I think. That was something he seemed disturbed at. ‘What were they doing at the pool?’ type of thing. Like that.
DIANE
(NODS. SIPS AT DRINK, PUTS IT DOWN, PUSHES IT AWAY.)
Maybe I should go a little easy.
(ADDS TONIC TO HER DRINK)
EVELYN
(UNEASY PAUSE. AFTER THEY ARE SETTLED AGAIN.)
So, what’s he like?
DIANE
(SURPRISED, COUGHING, LAUGHING.)
Wait a minute? Just like that? Not even a why or how could I do this to Frank? No background?
EVELYN
(WAVES IT OFF)
You have your reasons. If you want to tell me later, you will. What’s the guy like? Ron said he looked really young. And muscular.
DIANE
A God. He’s built like one. Like an ad in the Sunday Times for men’s underwear. One of those guys. I assumed he was gay when I first met him.
EVELYN
(JOKING)
Just like Ron and Frank.
DIANE
Please. I saw Frank’s football pictures from when he played in college. He had a really good build back then. He was working out, playing football and all.
(HOLDS A HAND UP)
Not in Jack’s league. Jack is a professional. He spends his life looking good.
EVELYN
And this is at the gym where you work or where you live, where you met Jack?
DIANE
Huh? Oh, no, not there. At a gym near where I work. I joined to make it easier on myself. I was missing workouts at the gym where we live getting home late from work. Our company has this discount thing with the Health and Racquet Club near my job so I joined. They gave me three free hours with a personal trainer.
EVELYN
Jack.
DIANE
Jack. I can imagine how this sounds but that’s how we met.
EVELYN
I met a guy in a stretching class like that once.
(DIANE CROOKS HER HEAD AND EVELYN SNAPS BACK)
Oh, no, nothing happened. Nothing like that. This was last year actually. I just thought he was cute and he was attracted to me. We struck up conversations, you know. He was a marathon runner. He came to the class to stretch. The teacher was a friend of his or something. It annoyed Ron just talking about him.
DIANE
(NODS)
I haven’t mentioned Jack to Frank.
EVELYN
Are you positive he doesn’t suspect anything?
DIANE
Fairly positive. As much as I can be.
(TAKES ANOTHER SIP)
Did the runner try anything?
EVELYN
Huh? Oh, just asked me to lunch a few times. I probably would have had lunch with him except for the age difference. He was young, too. Younger. Twenty-something. I was too self-conscious. I thought I’d look stupid so I turned him down. He eventually gave up and hit on another women in the class.
DIANE
Jack offered to massage a pulled muscle for me.
EVELYN
(CONFUSED)
At the gym?
DIANE
I knew he was full of shit but so was I. My leg was sore but I didn’t have a pulled muscle. I went along with it.
(TAKES ANOTHER SIP)
He put me on my stomach and rubbed the back of my legs.
EVELYN
Where was this? At the gym or his —
DIANE
At the gym. In one of the private massage rooms. He turned the lights out and burned incense and proceeded to give me an orgasm through my leggings.
EVELYN
(SITS ALL THE WAY UP ON THE CHAIR)
He did it right there?
DIANE
(ANOTHER SIP)
Through my leggings. He rubbed the back of my legs and kept working his way closer and closer. Then he just started to rub me there.
(EVELYN DRINKS)
I guess its the equivalent of a hand job, right? It took me forty years to get my first hand job.
EVELYN
Wait a minute. You came? Right there, in the gym?
DIANE
(HOLDS UP 2 FINGERS)
Twice.
EVELYN
Wow, Diane. Geez …
DIANE
I think I really needed it.
EVELYN
(SUDDENLY)
What about —
DIANE
(SHAKES HER HEAD)
I just rubbed him a little. That was it. The first time.
EVELYN
(SIPS)
And?
DIANE
(CONFUSED)
What?
EVELYN
You know.
(WAVES HAND)
DIANE
(STILL CONFUSED/SHAKING HER HEAD)
No, what?
EVELYN
I don’t want to say it.
DIANE
I’m missing it.
EVELYN
Down there. Come on, Diane.
DIANE
Oh! Oh, okay, details. Well, I don’t know, really. Not to compare.
(SHRUGS)
A little more than average, I think. From my experience, which is very limited. Bigger than Frank but Frank is about average. I’m not sure really.
EVELYN
(SIPS)
In inches?
DIANE
(SHRUGS)
Six, maybe seven. A couple bigger than Frank. And thicker. What’s average, five inches right?
EVELYN
They say six.
DIANE
Ooops. Frank is burned again.
(TAKES ANOTHER SIP)
Oh, well.
EVELYN
(AWKARD PAUSE. THEY SMILE AT EACH OTHER)
You know, Ron never mentioned a thing about Frank having an affair, Diane. And men tend to talk to each other about those things.
DIANE
And then they tell us, I know. Most of Frank’s friends are fooling around. He tells me about them.
EVELYN
(EYES OPEN WIDE/INTERESTED)
Really? He tells you?
DIANE
He tells me about some of them.
EVELYN
Really?
DIANE
(MOMENTARILY CONFUSED, THEN SUDDENLY.)
Oh! Oh, no, never! He’s never mentioned that about Ron. Never.
EVELYN
Good. Or I’d have to kill him.
DIANE
Never ever.
EVELYN
Well, Ron’s told me about a few of the guys where he works, too. His boss, for instance, a good friend of ours. He’s having an affair with somebody in the same building. They met having a cigarette or something and now its a full fledged affair. And his wife gave birth a little more than a year ago.
DIANE
That’s messy.
EVELYN
It sure is. And she’s a nice woman, too. We both feel really bad about the whole thing, Ron and I. Anyway, my point is, Ron’s never mentioned anything about Frank. Really.
DIANE
(SIPS DRINK. COMPOSES HERSELF.)
A few months before we were married Frank and a few of his friends went to Vegas. I don’t know if you remember.
EVELYN
No, not really.
DIANE
It was early July and we were married in September. The morning they left I went through his carry-on bag. I had a feeling, you know. I found an extra ticket in some woman’s name. Shulie Assleton.
EVELYN
(SHOCKED)
You’re kidding.
DIANE
That was the name on the ticket but I knew it was a fake for somebody else. He had a customer who was a travel agent back then I know fixed the ticket for him. I even knew, back then at the time, who the ticket was for.
EVELYN
You went through his bags?
DIANE
Huh? Oh, yeah. I did it from time to time. His wallet, his papers. I used to hate myself for doing that but after you find a few things, it’s pretty hard to stop. I mean, Frank isn’t the most careful person in the world.
EVELYN
Wow, Diane. Excuse me for being in more shock here.
DIANE
Evelyn, you have no idea how embarrassing this is for me to admit to you.
(TAKES A SIP)
To hear myself saying it out loud. About Frank, about myself.
(TAKES ANOTHER SIP)
And I could never do it without being drunk I don’t think.
(ANOTHER SIP)
I never thought in a million years I would be able to do this. Talk to anyone about this.
EVELYN
How did you keep from talking about it? This would have eaten away at me like a cancer. It would have busted out of me.
DIANE
Pride, I think. I was ashamed of admitting it to others. I think I was ashamed to admit it to myself. And it has eaten away at me. And my marriage. Which is why I’m fucking some 25 year old hard body.
EVELYN
(SIPS/STOPS)
Twenty-five? I thought you said he was twenty-eig … Oh, my God.
DIANE
(DOWNS ANOTHER DRINK; HER SPEECH IS SLIGHTLY SLURRED)
Let me have another one.
(EVELYN POURS ANOTHER DRINK AS DIANE CONTINUES)
And then this new one. Some little cunt at my office. Excuse my French.
EVELYN
(ADDS TONIC TO THE DRINK AFTER SHE’S POURED IT)
Here.
DIANE
Thanks. Once this started …
EVELYN
Wait, which one?
(CATCHES HERSELF)
I’m sorry.
DIANE
Frank’s latest friend.
EVELYN
Friend?
DIANE
That’s what he calls her. That’s what they all start out as. Friend my ass. I want to slap her face every time I see her at the office.
EVELYN
Wait, she works at your office?
DIANE
Yes, the little bitch.
EVELYN
Uh-oh.
DIANE
She met Frank through some of the guys who bet with him there. They went to lunch a few times. Then they met for drinks and somebody saw them.
EVELYN
Oh, my god.
DIANE
She’s twenty-eight, too.
(TAKES A SIP)
EVELYN
The woman?
DIANE
The cunt, yes. She’s twenty-eight years old. Just like Jack was supposed to be. Only he’s twenty-five … so fuck Frank.
EVELYN
Wait a minute. She’s twenty-eight?
(DIANE NODS)
Is that why you …
DIANE
(SHAKES HER HEAD)
Pure coincidence. But it works, doesn’t it?
EVELYN
But wait. Are you sure they’re … I mean, I don’t know, Diane, but Frank doesn’t seem the type to go for a girl that young.
DIANE
(WAVES IT OFF)
Well, he is.
EVELYN
You know? For sure, you know? You’re reacting pretty strongly to this. I mean, if you’re wrong about him —
DIANE
(SHRUGS/SHE HASN’T HEARD EVELYN’S LAST STATEMENT)
I know they’re heading in that direction if they haven’t done it all ready. And the fact that she works in my office makes it just as bad. Even if all they do is have lunch or drinks or whatever together. I mean, the prick should at least take that into consideration, don’t you think? Me. Just for once he should think of me. I’m a senior officer there. She’s fucking support. Do you realize how that makes me look?
EVELYN
Well, I agree with you there. He shouldn’t be having drinks. I think I could live with the lunches, so long as they didn’t become a sore thumb. People are talking, huh?
DIANE
Talking? This little fiasco has given most of the losers there a reason to live.
EVELYN
You can’t stop people from talking.
DIANE
Forget the office talk. How about she beeps him at the house? And calls his office. And occasionally has the balls to call the house but hangs up if I answer.
EVELYN
(MAKES A FACE)
She is a bitch.
DIANE
(NODS; HOLDS A HAND UP)
Frank’s office tapes all the bets they take over the phone to settle disputes. When he works the phones and closes the office he takes them home, the tapes.
EVELYN
You —
DIANE
(NODDING)
I thought about it after she beeped him a few times one day. I checked his beeper when he was sleeping and saw a code I guessed was hers. I played a few tapes one night while he was at the opera. She called him twice one night and four times another night.
EVELYN
(SIPS)
Wow.
DIANE
(MOCKING)
‘I miss you.’ ‘Can’t I come over?’ ‘I’m downstairs in the bar across the street.’ `I just wanna’ talk.’ The little cunt. I’m gonna’ run her over one day. Drive my fucking car right over her miserable little body, back and forth, over and over, until she looks like the fucking curb after a parade in the rain.
EVELYN
(SUDDENLY REALIZING/REMEMBERING)
Backtrack, backtrack. Little body. You just said little body.
DIANE
She’s an inch or two from being a midget.
EVELYN
(CONFIRMING)
Oh, my God!
DIANE
What?
EVELYN
Jesus —
DIANE
What?
(THEY LOOK AT EACH OTHER)
Evelyn, what is it?
EVELYN
I’ve seen them together.
DIANE
Huh?
EVELYN
I think so. Let me see …
(THINKING)
Very short, an orange colored coat, I remember that … a scarf, I think … a brown scarf … a hat …
(SHAKING HER HEAD)
gloves … and boots, I’m pretty sure. You know, the cut-off style, short and —
DIANE
That’s her!
EVELYN
Huh? What?
DIANE
Boots. She’s always wearing those horrible little elf looking boots.
EVELYN
(NODS)
I think so.
DIANE
Where? Where did you see them?
EVELYN
On Broadway. I think it was Broadway. Up here, on the west side.
DIANE
Of course. Right near the bookmaking office. Makes perfect sense.
EVELYN
I’m pretty sure it was Broadway.
DIANE
(ANXIOUS/ANGRY)
What were they doing?
EVELYN
Laughing, if I remember it right. Nothing more than that. They were having a conversation, I guess. I was in a bus heading south. The southbound Broadway bus. They were on the corner. The …
(THINKS)
The northeast corner.
DIANE
(CLENCHED TEETH)
And that’s why I’m fucking Jack tomorrow morning again. Because that prick can laugh with that little bitch behind my back. I hate it that he laughs.
EVELYN
They could’ve just met there, Diane. By accident. Do you know where she lives?
DIANE
The upper west side.
EVELYN
It could’ve been coincidence. I’m sure I would have thought something more of it myself if it didn’t look innocent. I would’ve mentioned it to Ron.
DIANE
How would you have known it wasn’t innocent?
(BEAT)
Frank knows you guys live around there. He knows he can be spotted in this neighborhood.
EVELYN
I didn’t mean to upset you. I only realized, once you described her … that I might have seen her.
DIANE
(SHOWING TEETH)
No, damn it! This is exactly the kind of thing I can’t stand anymore. It’s in my face, Evelyn! Can’t you see that? I’m here tonight, sweating over being caught the one fucking time in my life I do something like this … and I went out of my way … and I was a nervous wreck the entire time … and then Ron walked into us, by accident … and Frank just goes about his business like nothing is wrong. With that take it or fucking leave it attitude.
EVELYN
I’m sorry.
DIANE
I asked him what he’d do if the situations were reversed. If I were the one going out for drinks in his face, if the people he deals with knew. `You feel the urge, babe, do what you gotta’ do’. That was his answer, the prick. He said it like a threat, as if I was the one who should worry.
EVELYN
He’d never stand for it.
DIANE
No, he wouldn’t.
EVELYN
Which is why you —
DIANE
I want her to die, Evelyn. Cancer or AIDS or something like that. Something slow and painful.
EVELYN
I don’t think she’s the problem.
DIANE
(NOT HEARING EVELYN)
The little cunt.
EVELYN
Diane?
DIANE
I fucking hate her!
EVELYN
Diane?
DIANE
And him! I hate him, too!
EVELYN
(WAVING)
Diane!
DIANE
Huh?
EVELYN
I don’t think she’s the problem. This sounds like it’s between you and Frank. Especially if it’s happened in the past. Even more so if you’re not sure he’s even been with her. I mean, this doesn’t sound like something serious, Frank and this kid. It sounds more like what you’re projecting into it than what may be going on.
DIANE
Projecting into it?
(PAUSE)
Have you ever known your husband was having an affair, Evelyn? Or that he might’ve stopped off at some bimbo former girlfriend’s apartment for a quick blow job? If you don’t think that’s serious … you’re very mistaken.
EVELYN
(LOOKING DOWN)
I’m sorry.
DIANE
(PAUSE. BEAT.)
Rita Salerno. She was his bimbo through his first two marriages. He told me about her when he was flirting with me. It was his way of letting me know he fucked around on his second wife. She was somebody he used to screw around with when he had a big fight with his wife. He also thought his second wife fucked around on him so he liked having a way back at her. It’s crazy but that’s how his mind works. He has to have a way back at someone if he even thinks someone’s fucked with him. Its that street macho bullshit life he feels he has to live.
(SIPS)
Rita Salerno was a bimbo. It wasn’t an affair, affair. He wouldn’t be caught dead with her in public. That’s one difference between the two. He’s been seen with Jennifer, the kid from my office. He’s been seen with her by more than a few people. He isn’t concerned about it. He isn’t concerned about me.
EVELYN
(HOLDING FIRM)
I just don’t see Frank with a twenty-eight year old.
DIANE
Can’t you see him fucking her? Do you think he’d be so noble not to do that?
EVELYN
(FROWNS; SHAKING HER HEAD)
I don’t know. I guess … I mean —
DIANE
(BEAT; WAVING IT OFF)
Ron never mentioned her either, right? Rita Salerno. The bimbo in Las Vegas.
EVELYN
No, never. I doubt if he knows.
DIANE
I doubt if he doesn’t.
EVELYN
What happened with that? Did you confront him?
DIANE
(NODS)
He said the ticket to Vegas was for his partner’s girlfriend. He told me I could fly out and play investigator there if I wanted.
EVELYN
(ROLLS HER EYES)
He turned it around.
DIANE
What they all do. Suddenly I was on trial for going through his bags, which I was, but obviously for good reason.
EVELYN
(HOLDS A HAND UP)
Wait. You —
DIANE
Huh? Oh, no. I had the bimbo’s name. The one I suspected it was. She worked for the same company as Ron and Frank back when they worked together. That’s how he met her.
EVELYN
E.F. Hutton.
DIANE
Yep. I was very cool. I called Hutton the next day. Ms. Salerno was out on vacation and wasn’t expected back until Thursday. Frank was flying home Friday. I figure that would have been his argument if I ever confronted him. Coincidence.
EVELYN
Well?
(PAUSE. DIANE MAKES A FACE; EVELYN REALIZES IT)
You called her at work!
DIANE
And said I was with the hotel in Las Vegas and had a gift from a Frank Costello which was sent to her room but arrived late. Would she like the hotel to forward it to her.
EVELYN
You got her address, too!
(HIGH FIVE)
You are good, Diane.
DIANE
(MOCKING)
“Ooooooh, really” the bimbo said. “Thank you very much.” The stupid bubbly cunt.
EVELYN
You’re a cool one all right. I would’ve never been able to control myself. You’re incredible.
DIANE
It took a lot of restraint, believe me. Not to fly out there and catch him red handed. Not to call the wedding off. I guess I didn’t want her to win. Plus I kind of figured he needed his one last fling. So long as I could believe it was his last fling. And I guess I kind of accepted Rita Salerno because of who she was in his life. You know, a fuck. A blow job. I knew she didn’t mean anything to him. She wasn’t a real threat. Nothing would ever come of them.
(PAUSE)
But I also knew I was eating shit and that he had made his statement for our marriage. He was the one in control. I wanted it more than him. We were playing by his rules from that point on. And we have. At least until Jack.
EVELYN
So, you really are afraid of this twenty-eight year old.
DIANE
Not afraid of her as a real person, no. She’s not a real person. Nobody is at twenty-eight. But I am afraid, yes. That he’ll do something to make it impossible for me to stay with him.
(SIPS)
EVELYN
And you want to do it first.
DIANE
What’s that?
EVELYN
You want to strike first. Be the one who does something to make it impossible to stay together.
DIANE
(PAUSE. DRINKS)
I never thought of it that way. Maybe.
EVELYN
Well, if one of you doesn’t take a time out soon … to think about what you’re doing to each other … the two of you are headed on a definite collision course. You have to know that by now.
DIANE
(PAUSE. BEAT)
Last year he was looking for apartments and there was no Jennifer. This year I’m afraid Jennifer will be his excuse to end it. I don’t think they’d last three months together … but the damage would already be done. We’d be finished.
EVELYN
I never thought of you two having those kinds of problems. Last year when you canceled New Year’s and Ron said you two were fighting, I never thought it was serious. I mean, I knew it was serious but not this kind of thing. It’s really hard for me to picture you two this way. I’m sure Frank loves you. I think I still hear you love him.
DIANE
(SHAKING HER HEAD — SIPS)
It isn’t easy. He doesn’t make it easy.
(PAUSE)
He’s absolutely crazy about this shit. It’s his freedom I’m trying to infringe on asking him to stay away from this little cunt at the office. He takes something simple like that and turns it into a crusade for his manhood. I know he’s not a whoremaster. He’s never been that. It isn’t a blow job or a quick fuck he’s after. He isn’t into scoring on stray women. Call me crazy but I actually believe that. But he takes it to the next level and turns it into a fucking crusade. Everything takes on a dramatic cause for Frank. It’s mental castration if I ask him to compromise on something like this. If he went out late with his partner and I was upset, I had to keep it to myself or go through a three day war over trying to cut his balls off by asking him to call if he was going to stay out late. Nobody can tell him what to do. I trust him up to that point. I believe he’s nuts about that stuff.
(SIPS)
It’s what happens the day he’s on one of these crusades and we have a fight, me and him. Does he then go the next step just to win another battle for his revolution? I mean, I don’t know. I have no way of knowing until it’s too late. And then the damage is done, no matter what his noble fucking intentions were.
(BEAT)
Fuck him. Fuck him and his macho street bullshit. And his little cunt friend.
(BEAT. SIPS)
I’d like to see his reaction to my going for drinks with Jack or somebody like Jack. He’d flip out. Forget the sex. Just going for drinks. He needs to be in constant control. Everything revolves around his world. The entire universe has to serve his warped fucking sense of self. He’s really just a big insecure asshole who can’t open up to a woman. Frank can’t let himself get close enough. He stops himself. He’s good at that. He’s disciplined that way.
(SIPS)
He’s nuts.
(SIPS. BEAT)
Yeah, I still love him. I’m just starting to think maybe I shouldn’t. That he’s not good for me.
EVELYN
(SHAKING HER HEAD)
I’m so sorry for you, Di. It sounds so hard to deal with. I don’t know that I could do it.
(THEY STARE AT EACH OTHER. DIANE SHRUGS. EVELYN SHRUGS. LIGHTS FADE SLOW THEN QUICK TO BLACK. END SCENE.)
Act I/Scene III
LIGHTS, GRADUALLY UP STAGE RIGHT. A STUDIO APARTMENT/BOOKMAKING OFFICE ON THE UPPER WEST SIDE OF MANHATTAN. IL CATALOGO È QUESTO, FROM THE OPERA, DON GIOVANNI PLAYS SOFTLY IN THE BACKGROUND. FRANK SITS AT DESK WITH A TELEPHONE TO HIS EAR. HE DOODLES ON A PAD AS HE TALKS INTO THE PHONE.
FRANK
You realize this entire conversation is being recorded, right?
(SHORT PAUSE)
Yeah, it is. That’s what we do so the players can’t beef about what they bet. We record it and then if there’s a beef we play it back so they can hear themselves.
(PAUSE)
No, I won’t turn it off.
(SHORT PAUSE)
Because.
(SHORT PAUSE)
Because.
(SHORT PAUSE)
In case I wanna’ hear your voice late at night. I’ll pop the tape in my walkman.
(SHORT PAUSE)
I like the sound of your giggle.
(SHORT PAUSE)
Yeah, I do.
(SHORT PAUSE)
I don’t know. If I get horny, I can listen to you giggle and beat my pud.
(PAUSE)
Forgetaboutit.
(SHORT PAUSE)
Forgetaboutit.
(SHORT PAUSE)
Forgetaboutit.
(PAUSE)
I’m waiting for a friend.
(SHORT PAUSE)
Ron, right. We’re going to the opera.
(PAUSE)
She’s going with his wife someplace.
(SHORT PAUSE)
No, we’ll be alone, Ron and me. Why?
(PAUSE)
You’re sick, you know that. You’re very sick.
(PAUSE)
Please, the things I could do with you … if I didn’t mind feeling like a fuckin’ pedophile.
(PAUSE)
Well, I do.
(PAUSE)
I do feel like one.
(SHORT PAUSE)
Well, I do. End of story.
(SHORT PAUSE)
Oh, enough all ready. It won’t look good I’m all by myself, I answer the door with a hard-on.
(PAUSE)
Yeah, I told him about you.
(SHORT PAUSE)
I did.
(SHORT PAUSE)
He says what I say. I’m nuts, forgetaboutit.
(SHORT PAUSE)
Nuts.
(SHORT PAUSE)
Nuts. Lisaso.
(KNOCK AT THE DOOR)
Hold on.
(AT THE DOOR)
One minute, Ron!
(INTO THE PHONE)
I gotta’ go.
(SHORT PAUSE)
No, I gotta’ go.
(SHORT PAUSE)
Go bother your boyfriend with that. Give him a hard-on to wait tables with.
(SHORT PAUSE. ANOTHER KNOCK.)
I gotta’ go. Bye. Ciao.
(SHORT PAUSE)
Yeah, bye.
(HANGS UP. TURNS OFF THE CD PLAYER. GOES TO THE DOOR, OPENS IT AND STEPS BACK. ENTER RON.)
RON
(AS THEY HUG)
Man, it’s fuckin’ cold out there.
FRANK
Why I told you to come up.
(CLOSES AND LOCKS THE DOOR)
RON
(AS HE LOOKS AROUND THE STUDIO)
So this is what bookmaking offices look like.
FRANK
The modern ones, yeah. The old ones were sweat joints. Literally. No air conditioners, televisions, CD players, refrigerators. Nothin’.
RON
(SITS BEHIND THE DESK)
This ain’t so bad.
FRANK
Its comfortable enough.
RON
(PICKS UP TELEPHONE AND LISTENS. NOTICES THE TAPE RECORDER; PLAY ACTS TAKING A BET)
`Five thousand on the Giants laying 10 points. Got it.’
FRANK
You forgot to repeat it.
RON
Huh?
FRANK
You take it down, repeating it as you say it, then repeat it again, reading it off the pad so they hear what they bet. It’s insurance you took the right bet down and that the tape has it clear without the player talking over the bet.
RON
Really?
FRANK
Or you wind up with a beef.
RON
That happen much? Guys dispute their figures.
FRANK
A lot more than you’d think. And it could be costly. Which is why you gotta’ specify which Giants team the guy was betting five grand on.
(RON LOOKS CONFUSED)
The San Francisco Giants, which is baseball. Or the New York Giants, which is football? The seasons overlap.
RON
Ah, I never thought of that.
FRANK
How about Los Angeles and Chicago. You got a dozen teams between those two cities alone, without the colleges. Philadelphia and Boston. Milwaukee and Miami. It’s a fuckin’ nightmare. Or the teams themselves. A guys’ talkin’ fast, tryin’ to take a shot ‘cause your phones are busy. He say Bulls or Bills? Knicks or Nets? Mets or Nets? You gotta’ be deliberate this business. Deliberate and clear.
RON
(GETS UP AND LOOKS AROUND)
Wow. This is pretty neat.
FRANK
Its just an empty apartment, pal.
RON
Well, for a guy like me. The average working man. You remember what that is?
FRANK
Hey, I own a car service.
(RON LAUGHS AND WAVES HIM OFF)
What about ten years in the window cleaning union?
RON
You guys never worked. You used to tell me that.
FRANK
(SHRUGS)
Well, what about Hutton. We worked there, you and me.
RON
Frank, we worked the graveyard shift. We were finished by two o’clock in the morning.
FRANK
Well, between that and the window cleaning.
RON
Where you did nothing …
FRANK
I had to be there.
RON
Frank, you never worked hard in your life. Not legitimately.
